“I can’t believe those losers wait in line for hours to buy an iPhone when there’s absolutely no one in line to get this new Samsung phone!” (more...)
Every time a format dies, he has a bonfire and holds a little ceremony. He did it with vinyl records, video tapes, CDs and now DVDs. But in the future I wonder how he’ll burn “the Internet.” (more...)
“I’m always online. I constantly update my blog, a YouTube page and my Twitter stream.” “Want to come by and see me tomorrow?” “Sure! What’s your URL?” (more...)
“Yes, I know that iPhone is way too big. So was the wish-list of new features you wanted added to it.” (more...)
“I charge twenty bucks. Forty if you are a Wall Street analyst asking about Apple rumors.” (more...)
“I ‘liked’ your restaurant. I also gave it a thumbs up, five stars, +1 and added it to my favorites.” “I’d rather just get a decent tip for once.” (more...)
“I want to get that new novel, but I can’t decide on the format.” “You mean hard cover or paperback?” “What is this 2010? I mean iPad, Kindle, Nook or audio book.” (more...)
“If you throw the parakeet at your brother one more time I’m going to take your iPod touch away once and for all!” (more...)
“You want an iPad 3? Kid, I may be able to fly around the world and deliver presents to every child in a single night, but I can’t perform the impossible!” (more...)
“I started using iTunes Match the other day. It works great, but everything I listen to now sounds a little more like Coldplay.” (more...)
“We have to move to a new cloud. This one is now filled with peoples’ crappy iTunes music collections.” (more...)
“Captain Earl E. A. Dopter became the envy of his crew when he was the first to get the new iPatch.” (more...)
“You’ve heard of turducken? Well this is a MacPadTV. I’m streaming a video from my Mac to my iPad and then on to the Apple TV with AirPlay.” (more...)
“Hmmm. The iPhone Cards app. That’s way better than my idea of sending a handwritten card by mail that is scanned in and emailed to someone.” (more...)
“I’ll have my Siri contact your Siri and set up the meeting.” (more...)
“Ms. Roth? Instead of doing my class project with Eddie, can I team up with my friend Siri instead?” (more...)
“Only an A- on your report card? I know you said you’d get a B+, but my expectations were an A+. I’m going to have to downgrade you.” (more...)
“Our new Mac mini doesn’t have an optical drive. I can’t make the fun sing-along CDs for our road trips anymore!” “Oh too bad.” (more...)
“I’ve hacked Time Machine to show files in the future as well as the past. According to our iPhoto collection we go to Hawaii next year.” (more...)
“He wanted to bury a time capsule in the backyard, but it was too expensive. So he is burying an Airport Extreme instead.” (more...)
“I’ve got cable with 900 channels and pay-per-view.” “So what did you watch on TV last night?” “Nothing.” “Well I’ve got Apple TV with iTunes, Netflix and YouTube.” “What did you watch on TV last night?” “Nothing.” (more...)
“I don’t feel I’m communicating with my wife as much anymore.” “Are you two drifting apart?” “Yes. I’m still on Facebook and she’s moved to Google+.” (more...)
“Do you know that I’m the mayor of this place on Foursquare?” “Well, in that case I’d like to talk to you about the working conditions.” (more...)
“Do you know when the new iPhone will be out?” “My guess is October.” “I just got confirmation from a credible source!” (more...)
1984: You can now run programs in windows instead of taking up the whole screen. 2011: New feature! You can now run programs that fill the whole screen! (more...)
In line during the tough economic times of the past. In line during the tough economic times of today. (more...)
“I gave up chewing on his shoes. He seems to get much more excited when I chew on those new Apple Thunderbolt cables.” (more...)
Cartoons: Patent Trolls
My brother became a patent troll and he now lives under one of those billion-dollar fancy suspension bridges. (more...)
Cartoons: Paint It White
“Well, you could always paint it white if it will make you feel better.” (more...)
“What planet have you been living on? Everyone knows not to stand in front of a store when a new Mac product comes out.” (more...)
“I want to get iOS 5 for my iPhone 3Gs but I’ll upgrade to an iPhone 5 if it has 4G.” “5, 3, 5, 4 what? Why can’t Apple use cute kitty names instead of numbers for the iPhone too?” (more...)
“Roger has been impossible to deal with since Apple decided to use his picture in the OS X Lion icon.” (more...)
“Kodiak, Cheeta, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, Lion.” Apple Fanboys don’t count sheep. (more...)
“Tomorrow will be iCloudy with a chance of Snow Leopard.” “There’s something different about his forecasts ever since we switched to Macs.” (more...)
1976 Woz: “I’d be happy to give my design of the Apple Computer to HP.” HP: “No thanks.” 2011 Jobs: “Today we announce the plans for the new Apple Headquarters, built where HP used to be.” (more...)
“Now that I’ve dropped it in the snow, I’m thinking it was a bad time to switch to the white iPhone.” (more...)
“I hear that Apple is getting into cloud services.” “Good. Maybe I can finally upgrade my harp with some new apps.” (more...)
“Don’t worry dear, you can come up with another superhero name.” (more...)
“Using AirPlay on my iPad I can show you my vacation photos on the big screen! Isn’t technology great?” “Uh, sure.” “We have to go…” (more...)
“My new toaster has an App Store. For 99 cents I can get an app that burns a picture of Elvis into the toast. For $2.99 it will tweet when the toast is done.” (more...)
“The new MacBook Air weighs -3 ounces. Would you like me to get one down from the ceiling for you?” (more...)
“I’m concerned about my iPhone keeping track of every place I go.” “Because it is an invasion of privacy?” “No, because I’m afraid someone will find out how boring I am.” (more...)
In the end Tom was thankful that Apple didn’t make the iPad’s screen less reflective. (more...)
“My new stock prediction algorithm takes into account futures markets, analyst reports, word currencies and Steve Jobs’ complexion.” (more...)
“Wow. Digital cameras in the 90s were so bad compared to what we have today.” “Actually, those photos were taken yesterday with my iPad 2.” (more...)
“They gave you high fives and cheered? Did you hit a home run?” “That wasn’t a game, that was when I waiting in line at the Apple Store for an iPad.” (more...)
“I’ve got two iPhones. One for the office where I get AT&T but not Verizon. And the other for home where I get Verizon but not AT&T.” (more...)
“I’d like to use FaceTime, but now that it is HD I can’t afford all the makeup and lighting.” (more...)
“I’m not sure now is the best time to buy an iPad. I heard a rumor that a new one is coming soon.” (more...)
“I assure you, sir, that this is the new Thunderbolt port. It is not a sign that your Mac survived an attack by Voldemort.” (more...)
“I used my iTunes gift card to buy an app that helps me find deals on gift cards so I can buy more apps.” (more...)
“Thanks to Ping, now all my friends know how boring and unhip my music collection is.” (more...)
The guy at the Genius Bar told me the same thing I read in my “for dummies” book. I guess I’m having trouble because I’m somewhere in between. (more...)
“I’d switch to Verizon but I’d have to pay more than $200 to break my AT&T contract.” (more...)
He heard that Macs are safe from viruses, and he doesn’t want to get the flu this season. (more...)
So with this new app I press a button and dinner is automatically served in a bowl on the floor. Wow, it is great that you can take care of your dog like that. What dog? This is for my husband. (more...)
The new GarageBand is so advanced it does it all by itself. My iMac has a record contract and starts a 30-city tour next week. (more...)
So the new Mac App Store lets you find, buy and download software online? Isn’ that how we did it before? (more...)
Yep, that’s a Mac 128K from 1984. Ever year he decides to upgrade, then he hears a rumor of a new Mac coming out soon and he decides to wait. (more...)
I think I believed you more when you were tracking big foot and UFOs. (more...)
He’s on the roof waiting for Santa to bring him an iPad. We’ve been married for 10 years, and I still don’t have the nerve to tell him there’s no Santa. (more...)